Sunday, October 20, 2013

The real reason you're not having as much sex - and how to fix it

Has your sex life dwindled to a trickle? Many more married men than women claim they don't get enough sex in their relationship. If this is the case how do you get things back on track?

The real reason you're not having as much sex - and how to fix it
A familiar scenario I see is that a man will come to my office and say that when they dated his wife was insatiable. They had sex all the time. It was the happiest he’s ever been and a contributing factor to why he asked her to marry him.
Then all of a sudden she’s no longer interested in sex. Did she purposely trick him into a wedding ring and now that she’s got what she wants, turn sex off purposely?

Reading the signs

Sadly no. Here’s what happens. Many women think they are the sex chief. They’re attractive and sensual, then as a result of this their partner gets aroused. This is a win-win. He has sex with the woman he loves and she gets to feel a million bucks that her sexual allure was powerful enough to turn him on. This ability makes her feel sexy.
That is until he makes one wrong move. And that move is to make a move that she hasn’t initiated. Her mind is saying ‘I didn’t provide any sexual hints. I wasn’t even in the mood. How could he have read me so wrongly?’
Once some women have a realisation that their partner's libido is independent from their sensuality, they can suffer a sexual identity crises. ‘Does he just want sex for its own sake? Would any willing female do? Am I just the ‘on duty’ vagina of our relationship that’s meant to satisfy his itch? Maybe I’m not as sensual as I thought, just a solution.’
These thoughts are mostly not true. Men report that their partner is the only person they want to have sex with. And the fact that she is so attractive to him is why he wants more sex with her, and only her.

Fixing the problem

How do you uncross this wire? It’s tricky. It’s always wise, to let her lead. Not for political reasons, but so that she gets to regain her sense of her own sensual attraction.
Another antidote and known aphrodisiac is emotional intimacy. The more emotionally connected you can make her feel, the less objectified and more personalised she feels. You might then reach a compromise whereby you can initiate sex - but she also feels in control as she still feels attractive and alluring. A solution that should hopefully leave both parties satisfied.

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