How can I revive my wife's sex drive?

"How can I revive my wife's sex drive?"

 

Question: My wife is the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world to me. She complains about having gained weight over the past few years but I honestly don't see anything but her beauty, inside and out. I still desire her after more than 15 years of marriage and three kids. We have an active sex life but she has admitted that she often has sex just to make me happy. Since she's told me that, I no longer enjoy making love because I want us both to enjoy it. How can I get my wife to want to have sex with me again? I’ve tried everything – even buying red lingerie!

Gabrielle: Here’s a tip: have you tried buying her black lingerie? Or better yet, a gift certificate for her to choose her own lingerie? According to research, red is the number one colour men prefer to see their female partner in, but black is the colour women prefer when it comes to feeling sexy. It is a better-known fact that poor body image can destroy libido. If a woman doesn't feel sexy, it's hard for her to get in the mood for sex. If she feels self-conscious in bed, she won't enjoy herself. It's very hard for a woman to feel pleasure if she's focused on trying to cover cellulite. The fact that your wife continues to make love when she is not really in the mood shows her love and commitment to you.

Focus your attention on improving your wife's libido if that's what she wants. Talk about what might make her feel sexier. Is it more date time with you that is romantic but not sexual? Is it pampering time alone? Is it exercise and dieting to improve her energy levels and help her feel better about herself? Is it hearing you tell her how beautiful she is? Brainstorm some ideas and be aware that what you think might work – such as buying lingerie – might just add more pressure.

Talk with your wife about how she can feel sexier. Don't be negative or involve your own opinions too much. Ask her what she wants, then paraphrase her words back to her so you really absorb her meaning. The answers might surprise you both.